Sunday, September 4, 2011

To my baby Grace

My dear wee sweet girl
I can not believe that so much time has passed already and that every day although it gets a bit easier the pain is still there. I miss you and wish we had you every day. I am finding it tough that we are heading off to the beach when you should have been with us. We should be packing up baby gear to take with us and working out how we are going to fit three kids into the caravan. I feel sad you are not with us and know that in spirit you are with us, but I want you here in body and to cuddle. I am trying hard to get excited about our holiday and know it will be good, I just feel a bit anxious with all the packing and getting ready. Instead of getting a baby and two boys ready...I am getting two boys and 'angel gifts' ready to take with me. I will take little items with me to help me feel close to you and we also have a lantern to release is just not the same.
Our world has changed so much this year and we are forever changed. I find it hard to celebrate a "New Year" as I don't know what is coming or what else we may be hit by. I know that life changes in an instant now and I hope like anything that we don't have anything else to come like we have experienced this year. Losing you was such a huge amount of turmoil and pain and I would not change having you in our lives, but I cant take another hurdle.
I wish you were here, I wish I had you, I wish this had not happened, I wish you were here to be with us on our holiday at on Christmas and every other day, in the photos, in our arms, here with us, I just wish you were here.
I have an angel, I will always have an angel. I thank you for being in our lives and for getting to meet you and be part of your life, if only for a short time. I love you and I am still your mummy forever, that can not change.
Love your mummy

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