Sunday, September 4, 2011

Riding the waves

I went out last night with 'P' and it was really good. We both feel connected over this horrific commonality that we have both been through and to be able to share so many emotions, experiences and how we are coping/not coping is wonderful and refreshing along with hard and raw. Time moves along and you cant not slow it down! However time does not mean we are 'over' what happened or it hurts any less. Some days are easier than others to get through, and then other days are just as emotional, hard and heart wrenching. We are both feeling slightly nervous about September, as once again that due date time of our babies is approaching. We both agree that keeping busy and focused on other things in life helps to keep the time moving along and to keep the 'hard thoughts' and dark moments out of our heads.

I believe that in order to get through the grief you have to ride the waves as such as face the crashing waves along with the calm. You don't have a choice. You simply have to keep going, riding that never ending emotional rollercoaster and facing what each day brings. Depending on how you are feeling, depends on how you can deal with a situation, sometimes more clear headed and other times with more anger and pain.

I still question why the f*** did this have to happen and think it is terrible. I don't think I can accept that 'she just wasn't meant to be'....I actually despise that comment, it hurts and only a person who has NOT been through this could actually say this.

As September draws closer the constant reminder is there that my baby would have been turning one year old and I would have been planning a pretty, pink party with everything all special and sweet! Other girls that I know of that have babies that are turning one in September are in the planning process of the first birthday.

I only wish that was me.

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