Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Our lives without Grace

You realise very quickly that time moves on and you can not stop it. The world around you is still happening and although some days I wanted to forget about everything and everyone so I could just think of Grace only and not feel like I was forgetting her in any way, I had to tell myself that life had to go on and I had to live in the now and cherish all that I have. This did not mean forgetting Grace and I had to remind myself that, but I also had to focus on C and M and our family to ensure that we all got through this together.

I started to think about work and returning to give me a focus and decided that I still needed a bit more time to sort out some things first and also to physically heal but also to emotionally cope with what had happened. My plan was to ensure that Grace would always have a place in our family and this is what would help me look ahead and get through the days.

I was on a mission! I went to scrapbooking shops, searched trademe, explored the net and gathered items to create a scrapbook for Grace and a photo album. I was determined to get special things! I developed the photos of Grace and this was lovely to have them but really upset me when I realised that these were the only photos I would be developing. I brought two beautiful photo frames for photos of Grace, as I decided that we had our house full of photos of the boys, so why not have photos of Grace. I spent time putting the photos in the album exactly in the order they were taken. I have organised everything in my scrapbooking cupboard ready to start an album on Grace when I was ready. I made a dvd of the photos with the song 'Precious child' on it for our precious memories. I downloaded the video that was taken of Graces farewell to be put onto dvd for the future when I am ready to listen to it. I felt better about making sure that her memory would be preserved and she was special and would not be forgotten.

Exactly one week after Grace was born and at almost the same time she was born, B arrived home with Grace's ashes. I found this difficult but found comfort in having her back with us. A place in our room will be where Grace will be with us for now, along with a few other items that have meaning to us. I want Grace close for now and this is the only way that can happen.

I am looking forward to the hand and foot moulds that we had taken and these will also be treasured. You realise when something like this happens, money is no object and that family and memories and more important. You can not place a value on the lives you have around you and making sure that every day is lived and a good one is important.

A poem my sister in law found on the internet and was used in the service sheet:

We each have a mission
A reason we’re here
Stretching and growing
Finding love in fear

Or perhaps we came
To bring light to the Earth
And the world’s been changed
Because of our birth

One such being
Was named Grace
Her healing presence
Still ripples through space

Her time here was short
Her visit was brief
Her birth was filled
With wonder and grief

Though the shell that housed
Her essence is gone
She remains with us
Her beacon shines on

In celebrating
Her life and her death
The joy she brought
Without breathing a breath

With love and support
With family and friend
We honor her spirit
And her choice to ascend

We may never know
Why she chose to leave
Yet our lives are affected
By what we believe

Perhaps her intention
Before returning above
Was simply to experience
Unconditional love.

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