Gosh this month has been a long month! I keep wanted it to be over and gone but knowing this wont change anything but hoping it will be easier. Struggling a bit at the moment and trying to put on that happy face and keep myself above board but sinking when I am alone...which is fine because I have to grieve and this is the time that I knew would be really hard. I am just really 'teary' a lot and having a lot of 'moments'. There is not a lot that anyone can do. Particularly close friends and close family are doing everything they can that they know how to help me which is so lovely and so much appreciated! I hope they do know just how much they are valued and their input into my life has helped me so much.
I ran into my midwife in the weekend (talk about timing) and she gave my a huge hug and a look of 'how the hell are you doing - concern' as she knew what had happened with the hospital muck up and the timing of this month. She was great to talk to but the whole time I just felt like bawling! And to top it all off while talking to her a work mates sister walked past with her newborn baby girl and a couple came up to see my midwife with a newborn baby.
I try my best to be positive about all these other babies born around me and I am happy for the people who recently had babies (and all girls too).
I am going to see 'P' tommorow night so no doubt that will be a bit hard and emotional but we are in the 'same exclusive club'.....the one we didn't sign up for, are members for life, cant be removed from the list, don't ever have to pay memberships fee's for, the list keeps increasing over time and one that we didn't have a choice about being in! We are both supporting each other and both need support in different ways and it is good for us to be able to share things with each other also.
Things will get easier, this is just the hardest part and I am riding the storm as such and making it over the waves that keep crashing at the moment!!! Really looking forward to getting away later this week and being with B and my kids! Roll on Thursday 30th September.......