Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A medical termination

Now this is the part where people could become very offended and question why I am writing a blog and why I even deserve to have a say. I want to put this out there right now.....I did not choose a medical termination by choice.....I did not want to go through with what we did.....I will carry the guilt with me forever in my life but I do know now, one year later that we made the best choice based on what sort of life our daughter would have had, based on the small miracle she would have survived. I feel like a cruel person for what I did but made a decision that was best for everyone involved.

I wanted my baby and would have fought to the end for my baby, if I knew there was a slight chance her life would have been one worth living, however once I met her, held her and saw how tiny she was, I understood that there was no chance for a life for her as heart wrenching as that was, that simply was the facts.

I just want to say right now that I do not want judgement, I can not handle any comments that relate to the decision we had to make, because for me this was one of the most intense, most terrible things I have experienced in my life and I choose to refer to my baby as stillborn, because that is what she was.....she will forever be my precious baby who I did not get to see alive in this life and my baby that my all my hopes and dreams for her stopped the day that her life ended.

I wish life was different and I wish I had her with us. I love her so much and hate that we do not have her here with us.

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